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Gitch · 03-01-2005, 02:59 PM

You big tease Brikar! A nice idea for a short story - are you planning on submitting it to an anthology?

The last page has "nether" rather than "ether".

You may want to remove references that "date" the story, for example the reference to a USB port or plasma screens. I only say this because if you read other SciFi authors who wrote a lot of short fiction, the stories don't always age terribly well. Some of Arthur C Clarke's work seems really dated and quaint today, even when its set in the future, because of his terminology. He talks about valves and circuit boards when describing that collosal computer that becomes sentient (I forget which story it features in). In as little as 5 years time the idea of pluging your camera into the printer via a USB port may seem old fashioned - already you can buy cameras with WiFi. Similarly Plasma screens will be old fashioned soon. Nowhere else in the story do you give clues to the date - it could be 1990 or it could be 2020 - it seems a bit of a shame to tie your story down to 2000 to 2006, when it could be more timeless. Just my opinion.

03-01-2005, 02:59 PM	#8 (permalink)
Gitch Consultant Fellationist Join Date: Jan 1970 Location: God's own country merry England Posts: 435	You big tease Brikar! A nice idea for a short story - are you planning on submitting it to an anthology? The last page has "nether" rather than "ether". You may want to remove references that "date" the story, for example the reference to a USB port or plasma screens. I only say this because if you read other SciFi authors who wrote a lot of short fiction, the stories don't always age terribly well. Some of Arthur C Clarke's work seems really dated and quaint today, even when its set in the future, because of his terminology. He talks about valves and circuit boards when describing that collosal computer that becomes sentient (I forget which story it features in). In as little as 5 years time the idea of pluging your camera into the printer via a USB port may seem old fashioned - already you can buy cameras with WiFi. Similarly Plasma screens will be old fashioned soon. Nowhere else in the story do you give clues to the date - it could be 1990 or it could be 2020 - it seems a bit of a shame to tie your story down to 2000 to 2006, when it could be more timeless. Just my opinion. __________________ If masturbation is self-abuse - you are obviously doing it wrong.