Brikar

Starz has seen fit to retell the story of Spartacus. Why? Who knows. Why retell any story, I suppose. The problem is, of course, that there is extremely little story here for something that takes an entire 55 minutes to unfold.

In literally every scene in this episode there is either nudity or violence. Sometimes the two are crammed so close in to each other, it's humorous. There are three sex scenes and an attempted rape in the first twenty-five minutes, and just as many fights and battles. The whole thing moves with a brisk pace, which helps to keep us from focusing on just how empty the entire proceeding is.

The violence is about as close to a rip-off of "300" as you can get without having Zach Snyder's lawyers at your door (and probably beyond that). I don't mind all the CGI bloodspatter, since it's kinda nifty... what I do mind are the dodgy CGI backdrops that make everything look cheap. It becomes even more obvious when we see people walking around in the snow wearing practically nothing and aren't bothered by it in the slightest.

And yet... I can't say I wasn't entertained a bit. I just didn't give a shit about it. I'll might keep watching it (on Netflix). We'll see how long it takes for me to get completely bored with this style and go back to rewatching old "SeaQuest" episodes...

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"A million monkeys typing until the end of time will produce the complete works of William Shakespeare. Ten thousand monkeys typing for ten thousand years will write a Hemingway. Ten monkeys typing over Columbus Day weekend will give you a Dan Brown."

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