Cymro

..... I have been with a loose woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the woman you were with?"
"I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well
Tell
Me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Liz Shannon?"
"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."
"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy
Shaughnessy,
And I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone.
You cannot attend church for three months. Be off with you now."
Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers,
"What'd you get?"
"Three month's vacation and five good leads," says Tommy.

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"Let me tell you something about humans, nephew: They're a wonderful, friendly people - as long as their bellies are full and their holosuites are working.

"But take away their creature comforts, deprive them of food, sleep, sonic showers, put their lives in jeopardy over an extended period of time and those friendly, intelligent, wonderful people...will become as nasty and as violent as the most blood-thirsty klingon."

Bean

Bwahahahahhahahhahahaha!!!!!!!

__________________
"I haven't faced death. I've cheated death. I've tricked my way out of death and patted myself on the back for my ingenuity. I know nothing."

--James T. Kirk

Stag

HAHAHA...those fucking priests are so stupid to name names like that

NX-47

That's a gem, that's for sure!

__________________
Kira: Well, now that you have another pip on your collar, does that mean I can't disagree with you anymore?
Sisko: No. It just means I'm never wrong.

Brikar

Those girls are gonna be pissed when they find out there really isn't such a thing as "Confessor/Priest confidentiality".

__________________
"A million monkeys typing until the end of time will produce the complete works of William Shakespeare. Ten thousand monkeys typing for ten thousand years will write a Hemingway. Ten monkeys typing over Columbus Day weekend will give you a Dan Brown."

http://olympusmans.blogspot.com
http://benforrealz.blogspot.com

Gitch

Reminds me of another one:

A young novice priest is left in charge of the parish when the regular priest goes on pilgrimage. Knowing how nervous the young priest is about hearing confession for the first time, he leaves a list of suggested penances pinned inside the confessional.

The first confessor arrives:
"Forgive me Father for I have sinned - I have used blasphemous curse words"
The Priest looks up blasphemy and cursing
"Say 10 Hail Marys and 2 Our Fathers and try to watch your mouth in future"
Contrite, the young man leaves.

The next confessor enters:
"Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I have been stealing my brother's rent money"
The Priest looks up stealing on the chart
"That's a wicked thing to do. Say 10 full decades of the rosary and return everything you have stolen"
Suitably chastened, the man leaves.

Finally, a young lady enters:
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned - I have committed felatio with the entire University rugby team".
The Priest is unsure exactly what felatio involves, and to his horror finds that the old priest hasn't noted down a suggested punishment. Finally, in desperation, he opens the back door of the confessional and calls the head alter boy over
"Jimmy, what does Father O'Malley normally give for felatio"
The boy thinks for a minute "Usually about 10 pounds and a Snickers bar".

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If masturbation is self-abuse - you are obviously doing it wrong.

Sirgets

Lmao!!!!

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Abandoning your fears is your first step on the road to enlightenment, and giving Stag a blowjob----cymro