Brikar

So I'm driving home from work a few minutes ago, and I slow down as I'm coming up to my driveway. My roommate's girlfriend is over, and as she often does, she takes my spot in the driveway. Now, this is not a huge deal for me. She's nice, I like her a lot, and she's not over often enough for me to make a stink about it. This maybe happens once a week.

So whatever, I'm driving along look for a spot on the street or a place to turn around. I'm not going too fast, but I'm not crawling along at 10mph, either. We get to the next red light, and this dude in a truck pulls up next to me and shouts, "Why don'tcha learn ta fuckin drive, ya fuckin idiot!"

Now, I could have come up with some kind of retort like, "Why don't you go fuck your sister again, Gunrack McHicktater!"

Instead I just started laughing really, really loudly. So this dude GETS OUT OF HIS TRUCK and starts coming for me. The light turns green and I take off, laughing hysterically and flipping him the middle finger as I go.

Goddamn that felt good.

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Closet Racist

A water balloon would have been handy.

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Bean

One word, and I'll sick the beaver on him.

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"I haven't faced death. I've cheated death. I've tricked my way out of death and patted myself on the back for my ingenuity. I know nothing."

--James T. Kirk