I Am Starting My Own Cult

Stag · 10-01-2003, 05:21 PM

OK, I am already a Beanist, and Deslok helped me become a Wiggumist.

Now I want to start my own cult.

Ladies and gentlemen, you heard about it here first, I introduce you to....

OWENISTS

That is right, a cult named after my middle name ('Owen').

The goal of the cult is to have it's members acheive spiritual redemption through unburdening themselves of their liquid assets (namely cash) to the cult leadership in a ritualistic cleansing process (probably having members toss their money into a symbolic "bottomless pit" which is actually a chute leading to a laundry basket in the basement).

The cult will also require divine absolution that could only be received through intimate contact of members with the cult leadership.

Using these two standards of participation, a member will receive one of seven belts, The highest level belt represented by a 6" thick gold vinyl belt with a huge buckle. This belt is worn solely by, and distinguishes cult hierarchy (and in all actuality, cannot be achieved by anyone else. But people need something to strive for, don't they).

So, today, the call is being put forth...Owenists... join me...

...Men throw your cash at me...

...Women, through your bodies at me...

All will be gratefully received
(except that lady with the big chin from that avatar--ewwww)
and spiritually redeemed when I am done with them.

We are more powerfull than the Masons...the Jackie Masons, not the Free Masons.

So come one, come all. worship me and my gold belt....

(t-shirts and baseball caps will come later)

Arik · 10-01-2003, 05:27 PM

I'll throw all my liquid assets to you.

I have two pennies sitting on my dresser. Where would you like 'em?

Stag · 10-01-2003, 05:30 PM

Send them to me my lamb and you will receive a million times that much in the after life.

By the way, what flavor Kool-aid do you prefer?

Arik · 10-01-2003, 05:45 PM

cyanide

Stag · 10-01-2003, 06:45 PM

Oh yeah, that's the one in the black packet

Bean · 10-02-2003, 03:18 AM

*Bean unzips his pants and gives stag his "Liquid assets".*

If you like, I could be persuaded to give you my semi-solid assets as well.

Stag · 10-02-2003, 04:20 PM

ROFLMAO

My lamb, I don't think you quite get it...you will need remedial education...

Where is my wooden paddle of the gods??

Deslok · 10-02-2003, 05:14 PM

I ate too much plastic candy.

Stag · 10-02-2003, 06:44 PM

You too shall get the paddle of redemption, get in line...

Beware or I shall send a huge green hand to grab the front of your car and hold it in place.
(Obscure TOS Trek reference)

Bean · 10-03-2003, 03:35 PM

LOL that was one of the cheesiest things I ever saw on Trek. I think it was the one where they found the Greek god Apollo wasn't it?

10-01-2003, 05:21 PM	#1 (permalink)
Stag It's me again Join Date: Jan 1970 Location: Florida Posts: 3,286	OK, I am already a Beanist, and Deslok helped me become a Wiggumist. Now I want to start my own cult. Ladies and gentlemen, you heard about it here first, I introduce you to.... OWENISTS That is right, a cult named after my middle name ('Owen'). The goal of the cult is to have it's members acheive spiritual redemption through unburdening themselves of their liquid assets (namely cash) to the cult leadership in a ritualistic cleansing process (probably having members toss their money into a symbolic "bottomless pit" which is actually a chute leading to a laundry basket in the basement). The cult will also require divine absolution that could only be received through intimate contact of members with the cult leadership. Using these two standards of participation, a member will receive one of seven belts, The highest level belt represented by a 6" thick gold vinyl belt with a huge buckle. This belt is worn solely by, and distinguishes cult hierarchy (and in all actuality, cannot be achieved by anyone else. But people need something to strive for, don't they). So, today, the call is being put forth...Owenists... join me... ...Men throw your cash at me... ...Women, through your bodies at me... All will be gratefully received (except that lady with the big chin from that avatar--ewwww) and spiritually redeemed when I am done with them. We are more powerfull than the Masons...the Jackie Masons, not the Free Masons. So come one, come all. worship me and my gold belt.... (t-shirts and baseball caps will come later) __________________ "I want to do a motorboat on Shatner's manboobs" - Sam Cogley

10-01-2003, 05:27 PM	#2 (permalink)
Arik Astro-Monkey Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Here, dumbfuck! Posts: 2,304	I'll throw all my liquid assets to you. I have two pennies sitting on my dresser. Where would you like 'em? __________________ The writers of this post apologize for you being too stupid to understand it.

10-01-2003, 05:30 PM	#3 (permalink)
Stag It's me again Join Date: Jan 1970 Location: Florida Posts: 3,286	Send them to me my lamb and you will receive a million times that much in the after life. By the way, what flavor Kool-aid do you prefer? __________________ "I want to do a motorboat on Shatner's manboobs" - Sam Cogley

10-01-2003, 05:45 PM	#4 (permalink)
Arik Astro-Monkey Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Here, dumbfuck! Posts: 2,304	cyanide __________________ The writers of this post apologize for you being too stupid to understand it.

10-01-2003, 06:45 PM	#5 (permalink)
Stag It's me again Join Date: Jan 1970 Location: Florida Posts: 3,286	Oh yeah, that's the one in the black packet __________________ "I want to do a motorboat on Shatner's manboobs" - Sam Cogley

10-02-2003, 03:18 AM	#6 (permalink)
Bean The Awesome One Join Date: Dec 1969 Location: Canada eh! Posts: 5,055	Bean unzips his pants and gives stag his "Liquid assets". If you like, I could be persuaded to give you my semi-solid assets as well. __________________ "I haven't faced death. I've cheated death. I've tricked my way out of death and patted myself on the back for my ingenuity. I know nothing." --James T. Kirk

10-02-2003, 04:20 PM	#7 (permalink)
Stag It's me again Join Date: Jan 1970 Location: Florida Posts: 3,286	ROFLMAO My lamb, I don't think you quite get it...you will need remedial education... Where is my wooden paddle of the gods?? __________________ "I want to do a motorboat on Shatner's manboobs" - Sam Cogley

10-02-2003, 05:14 PM	#8 (permalink)
Deslok regruntled and reemployed Join Date: Dec 1969 Location: in front of the computer Posts: 1,221	I ate too much plastic candy. __________________

10-02-2003, 06:44 PM	#9 (permalink)
Stag It's me again Join Date: Jan 1970 Location: Florida Posts: 3,286	You too shall get the paddle of redemption, get in line... Beware or I shall send a huge green hand to grab the front of your car and hold it in place. (Obscure TOS Trek reference) __________________ "I want to do a motorboat on Shatner's manboobs" - Sam Cogley

10-03-2003, 03:35 PM	#10 (permalink)
Bean The Awesome One Join Date: Dec 1969 Location: Canada eh! Posts: 5,055	LOL that was one of the cheesiest things I ever saw on Trek. I think it was the one where they found the Greek god Apollo wasn't it? __________________ "I haven't faced death. I've cheated death. I've tricked my way out of death and patted myself on the back for my ingenuity. I know nothing." --James T. Kirk

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