Another reason not to be a fundamental Christian

Stag · 08-04-2004, 06:13 PM

This is probably the funniest thing I've read in a long time...

Arkansas Woman Killed in Mistaken Rapture
by Elroy Willis

ARKANSAS CITY (EAP) -- A Little Rock woman was killed yesterday after
leaping through her moving car's sunroof during an incident best
described as a "mistaken rapture" by dozens of eye-witnesses.
Thirteen other people were injured after a twenty-car pile-up resulted
from people trying to avoid hitting the woman, who was apparently
convinced the rapture was occurring when she saw twelve people floating
up into the air, and then passed a man on the side of the road who she
believed was Jesus.
"She started screaming `He's back! He's back!' and climbed out through
the sunroof and jumped off the roof of the car," said Everet Williams,
husband of 28-year-old Georgann Williams who was pronounced dead at
the scene. "I was slowing down but she wouldn't wait till I stopped,"
Williams said. She thought the rapture was happening and was convinced
that Jesus was gonna lift her up into the sky," he went on to say.
"This is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the force,"
said Paul Madison, first officer on the scene. Madison questioned the
man who looked like Jesus and discovered that he was on his way to a
toga costume party, when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck
came loose and released twelve blow-up sex dolls filled with helium, which then floated up into the sky.
Ernie Jenkins, 32, of Fort Smith, who's been told by several of his
friends that he looks like Jesus, pulled over and lifted his arms into the
air in frustration and said "Come back," just as the Williams' car passed
him, and Mrs. Williams was sure that it was Jesus lifting people up into
heaven as they drove by him.
"I think my wife loved Jesus more than she loved me," the widower
said when asked why his wife would do such a thing. When asked for
comments about the twelve sex dolls, Jenkins replied, "This is all just
too weird for me. I never expected anything like this to happen."

ManchVegas · 08-04-2004, 06:33 PM

And along those lines, I give you this...

Aug. 3, 2004 — BLANTYRE, Malawi (Reuters) - A Malawian court convicted a Catholic priest and a nun of disorderly conduct Thursday after they were caught engaged in a sexual act in a parked car with tinted windows.
The Malawian priest, 43, and the 26-year-old nun from neighboring Zambia spent the night in police cells after being caught in the act Wednesday, police said.

A court in the capital Lilongwe handed down suspended jail sentences of six months with hard labor after the pair pleaded guilty to charges of idleness and disorderly conduct.

"These people were caught in a sex act," Assistant Superintendent Kelvin Maigwa told Reuters.

Officials in the Roman Catholic Church, whose priests are barred from sex or marriage, declined to comment.

Passers by alerted police at Lilongwe International Airport after the parked Toyota Corolla, which had tinted windows, began shaking in what police described as "a funny manner."

frogs_have_warts · 08-05-2004, 06:30 AM

I'd try to follow 12 blow up dolls into heaven too. Be the most action I'd have seen sice Dinosaures roamed the Earth.

Bean · 08-05-2004, 11:30 AM

Stag, are you sure that isn't a spoof?

Stag · 08-05-2004, 12:46 PM

Yeah, actually someone else researched it and it wound up being an Urban Legend.

I actually think the idea of helium filled love dolls is awesome.

Bean · 08-05-2004, 02:22 PM

As if I really needed more reasons to not be a a fundemental Christian...

Brikar · 08-05-2004, 02:25 PM

But Hopsiah the Kanga-Jew REALLY enjoyed spending time with the Beaver...

Bean · 08-07-2004, 11:57 AM

And Brikar takes the award for "completley confusing Bean with one sentence".

Brikar · 08-07-2004, 12:29 PM

Hahaha, check out my "smart religous people" thread.

08-04-2004, 06:13 PM	#1 (permalink)
Stag It's me again Join Date: Jan 1970 Location: Florida Posts: 3,286	Another reason not to be a fundamental Christian This is probably the funniest thing I've read in a long time... Arkansas Woman Killed in Mistaken Rapture by Elroy Willis ARKANSAS CITY (EAP) -- A Little Rock woman was killed yesterday after leaping through her moving car's sunroof during an incident best described as a "mistaken rapture" by dozens of eye-witnesses. Thirteen other people were injured after a twenty-car pile-up resulted from people trying to avoid hitting the woman, who was apparently convinced the rapture was occurring when she saw twelve people floating up into the air, and then passed a man on the side of the road who she believed was Jesus. "She started screaming `He's back! He's back!' and climbed out through the sunroof and jumped off the roof of the car," said Everet Williams, husband of 28-year-old Georgann Williams who was pronounced dead at the scene. "I was slowing down but she wouldn't wait till I stopped," Williams said. She thought the rapture was happening and was convinced that Jesus was gonna lift her up into the sky," he went on to say. "This is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the force," said Paul Madison, first officer on the scene. Madison questioned the man who looked like Jesus and discovered that he was on his way to a toga costume party, when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck came loose and released twelve blow-up sex dolls filled with helium, which then floated up into the sky. Ernie Jenkins, 32, of Fort Smith, who's been told by several of his friends that he looks like Jesus, pulled over and lifted his arms into the air in frustration and said "Come back," just as the Williams' car passed him, and Mrs. Williams was sure that it was Jesus lifting people up into heaven as they drove by him. "I think my wife loved Jesus more than she loved me," the widower said when asked why his wife would do such a thing. When asked for comments about the twelve sex dolls, Jenkins replied, "This is all just too weird for me. I never expected anything like this to happen." __________________ "I want to do a motorboat on Shatner's manboobs" - Sam Cogley

08-04-2004, 06:33 PM	#2 (permalink)
ManchVegas Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 56	And along those lines, I give you this... Aug. 3, 2004 — BLANTYRE, Malawi (Reuters) - A Malawian court convicted a Catholic priest and a nun of disorderly conduct Thursday after they were caught engaged in a sexual act in a parked car with tinted windows. The Malawian priest, 43, and the 26-year-old nun from neighboring Zambia spent the night in police cells after being caught in the act Wednesday, police said. A court in the capital Lilongwe handed down suspended jail sentences of six months with hard labor after the pair pleaded guilty to charges of idleness and disorderly conduct. "These people were caught in a sex act," Assistant Superintendent Kelvin Maigwa told Reuters. Officials in the Roman Catholic Church, whose priests are barred from sex or marriage, declined to comment. Passers by alerted police at Lilongwe International Airport after the parked Toyota Corolla, which had tinted windows, began shaking in what police described as "a funny manner." __________________ AKA MikeInNH or Northeastofmostofya <Insert thoughtful or humorous message here>

08-05-2004, 06:30 AM	#3 (permalink)
frogs_have_warts Member Join Date: Dec 1969 Location: An Igloo Posts: 40	I'd try to follow 12 blow up dolls into heaven too. Be the most action I'd have seen sice Dinosaures roamed the Earth. __________________ What does a Romulan frog use for camoflage? A croaking device!

08-05-2004, 11:30 AM	#4 (permalink)
Bean The Awesome One Join Date: Dec 1969 Location: Canada eh! Posts: 5,055	Stag, are you sure that isn't a spoof? __________________ "I haven't faced death. I've cheated death. I've tricked my way out of death and patted myself on the back for my ingenuity. I know nothing." --James T. Kirk

08-05-2004, 12:46 PM	#5 (permalink)
Stag It's me again Join Date: Jan 1970 Location: Florida Posts: 3,286	Yeah, actually someone else researched it and it wound up being an Urban Legend. I actually think the idea of helium filled love dolls is awesome. __________________ "I want to do a motorboat on Shatner's manboobs" - Sam Cogley

08-05-2004, 02:22 PM	#6 (permalink)
Bean The Awesome One Join Date: Dec 1969 Location: Canada eh! Posts: 5,055	As if I really needed more reasons to not be a a fundemental Christian... __________________ "I haven't faced death. I've cheated death. I've tricked my way out of death and patted myself on the back for my ingenuity. I know nothing." --James T. Kirk

08-05-2004, 02:25 PM	#7 (permalink)
Brikar The Dude Join Date: Dec 1969 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 3,606	But Hopsiah the Kanga-Jew REALLY enjoyed spending time with the Beaver... __________________ "A million monkeys typing until the end of time will produce the complete works of William Shakespeare. Ten thousand monkeys typing for ten thousand years will write a Hemingway. Ten monkeys typing over Columbus Day weekend will give you a Dan Brown." http://olympusmans.blogspot.com http://benforrealz.blogspot.com

08-07-2004, 11:57 AM	#8 (permalink)
Bean The Awesome One Join Date: Dec 1969 Location: Canada eh! Posts: 5,055	And Brikar takes the award for "completley confusing Bean with one sentence". __________________ "I haven't faced death. I've cheated death. I've tricked my way out of death and patted myself on the back for my ingenuity. I know nothing." --James T. Kirk

08-07-2004, 12:29 PM	#9 (permalink)
Brikar The Dude Join Date: Dec 1969 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 3,606	Hahaha, check out my "smart religous people" thread. __________________ "A million monkeys typing until the end of time will produce the complete works of William Shakespeare. Ten thousand monkeys typing for ten thousand years will write a Hemingway. Ten monkeys typing over Columbus Day weekend will give you a Dan Brown." http://olympusmans.blogspot.com http://benforrealz.blogspot.com

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