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Old 02-24-2005, 04:57 AM   1 links from elsewhere to this Post. Click to view. #1 (permalink)
The Dude
 
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Default I really need critiques...

I want to get this one published, so I really need some honest critiques... and I think you guys are the mean bastards to give 'em to me!

I do hope you enjoy it, though. But if you have even the slightest of problems with any part, or if you pick up a spelling error or something, please, let me know.

My main concerns are that it's boring in the middle and muddled at the end.
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Old 02-24-2005, 10:20 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I'll read it tonight when I get home from work.
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Old 02-24-2005, 01:23 PM   #3 (permalink)
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OK, before I read it, I will tell you upfront as your friend...you stink. There's your critique, I'll go read yor work now.
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Old 02-24-2005, 01:31 PM   #4 (permalink)
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fuck, it's like 10 pages long!
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Old 02-24-2005, 05:21 PM   #5 (permalink)
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....yeah. My bad.
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Old 03-01-2005, 03:06 AM   #6 (permalink)
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So........ did it suck?
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Old 03-01-2005, 12:21 PM   #7 (permalink)
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To be honest, I don't have the commitment to read something that long anymore, you can thank the TV for that.
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Old 03-01-2005, 02:59 PM   #8 (permalink)
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You big tease Brikar! A nice idea for a short story - are you planning on submitting it to an anthology?

The last page has "nether" rather than "ether".

You may want to remove references that "date" the story, for example the reference to a USB port or plasma screens. I only say this because if you read other SciFi authors who wrote a lot of short fiction, the stories don't always age terribly well. Some of Arthur C Clarke's work seems really dated and quaint today, even when its set in the future, because of his terminology. He talks about valves and circuit boards when describing that collosal computer that becomes sentient (I forget which story it features in). In as little as 5 years time the idea of pluging your camera into the printer via a USB port may seem old fashioned - already you can buy cameras with WiFi. Similarly Plasma screens will be old fashioned soon. Nowhere else in the story do you give clues to the date - it could be 1990 or it could be 2020 - it seems a bit of a shame to tie your story down to 2000 to 2006, when it could be more timeless. Just my opinion.
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Old 03-01-2005, 04:57 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Thanks, Gitch, that is a good point about dating it. It hadn't entered into my mind at all when I was writing it.
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Old 03-01-2005, 05:33 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Personally, I think they should have more USB peripherals on Enterprise
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