Need some help with some British dialogue - Page 2

Stag · 04-27-2005, 01:58 PM

"here here"

Cymro · 04-28-2005, 04:35 PM

OK Brikar, I've just finished watching "Shindig", you sly little cunt!

Brikar · 04-28-2005, 04:35 PM

Hahaha

Brikar · 06-27-2005, 11:38 PM

This time it's some religious discussion from later on in the same script. This thing is becoming kind of a monster, and needs some real restructuring. Ugh, like I don't have enough going on right now to get obsessed with writing this damn thing...

INT. PRISON CELL
Reid and David are tied to a post in the center of the room. Yuri, Ahmed, and Jacob are nowhere to be seen.

DAVID
Yes, Captain, hiding in plain sight… That’s… that’s just the best plan ever.

REID
It sounded good in my head.

DAVID
Is there anything in there that sounds good about getting us out?

REID
Just pray quietly for a little while so I can think, OK, Father?

DAVID
If my faith bothers you that much—

REID
No, Father, it’s not your faith that bothers me; it’s your religion.

DAVID
My religion?

REID
Yup.

DAVID
Would you like to explain that?

REID
You believe God created man in his own image, right?

DAVID
Yes, that’s right.

REID
Well, I think it’s the other way around. I think man created God in his own image to make himself feel better. Well you know what, Father, I feel pretty damn good all by myself. God didn’t make our roads, our educations, our civilizations, our dreams… We did that. And we did it by ourselves. Alone. And that’s why we needed “God”.

DAVID
I see…

REID
So I would rather have faith in me, and in my fellow man than a word in a book that was written by men who were dust centuries before I was born.

DAVID
(Angry)
Faith in your fellow man? That same fellow man that would murder you while you slept for your wife and the twenty-dollar bill in your pocket? The same fellow men that start wars that kill thousands, millions?

REID
And who are they usually killing each other in the name of, Father? Who?

DAVID
Believing in something bigger than ourselves connects us, Captain. It gives us hope that there’s someone out there, watching over us, caring about us…

REID
It gives us an excuse.

Reid stands up, freed of his bonds. David looks shocked.

DAVID
How…?

REID
As much as I’d love to continue our theological debate, Father… right now, we have to be our own saviors.

He frees David, and then goes to listen at the door.

REID
It doesn’t sound like there are any guards.

DAVID
Then the door’s probably locked.

Reid tries the door: it is locked.

REID
Not a big deal.

He pulls a small screwdriver from a pouch.

DAVID
That’s too big to pick the lock.

REID
I don’t recall mentioning picking anything…

Reid quickly disassembles the door’s hinges.

INT. HALLWAY
Reid and David exit their cell, and Reid props the door in the frame as though nothing is wrong. He keeps the screwdriver handy, though.

REID
C’mon. The others can’t be far.

DAVID
How do you know that?

REID
Because it’s a small building.

DAVID
Your military training is really pretty impressive.

REID
So’s your dedication, Father. Now quiet.

Gitch · 06-28-2005, 03:57 AM

Going back to the original dialogue, I only ever hear americans say "where the crap". It sounds really wrong to my ears. "Where the Hell..." (never "where the heck..." BTW that is entirely american) is better, possibly "where the bloody hell..." (slightest of emphasis on the word bloody) - or for the truly profane "where the fuck...". Although, the word Fuck probably wasn't used in that context then (although it was around in Shakespeare's day, it just meant sex).

"Where in God's name..." would also work.

I'm a little busy right now - but I think I could restructure some of that last scene if you like. If you want the input, let me know.

Brikar · 06-28-2005, 04:11 AM

Quote:

Gitch stopped drinking long enough to mumble

Going back to the original dialogue, I only ever hear americans say "where the crap". It sounds really wrong to my ears.

The guy who says "Where the crap", Reid, is American. So is David. Ahmed is a Middle Easterner, I haven't decided where from (and I swear I didn't rip him off), and Yuri is Russian...

But the whole British angle has been dropped, and that entire exchange is gone. I keep refining the story into something similar yet wildly different. I'll probably use it for a second or third episode, because this first one is just too cramped to have a whole subplot like that.

But by all means, input, input!

Cymro · 06-28-2005, 06:28 PM

I can only suggest one line at the moment:

Ahmed: Durka Durka, Muhammad Jihad!

Brikar · 06-28-2005, 06:38 PM

04-27-2005, 01:58 PM	#11 (permalink)
Stag It's me again Join Date: Jan 1970 Location: Florida Posts: 3,286	"here here" __________________ "I want to do a motorboat on Shatner's manboobs" - Sam Cogley

04-28-2005, 04:35 PM	#12 (permalink)
Cymro Religious Fanatic Join Date: Nov 1999 Location: Shitsville, CF63 Posts: 4,921	OK Brikar, I've just finished watching "Shindig", you sly little cunt! __________________ "Let me tell you something about humans, nephew: They're a wonderful, friendly people - as long as their bellies are full and their holosuites are working. "But take away their creature comforts, deprive them of food, sleep, sonic showers, put their lives in jeopardy over an extended period of time and those friendly, intelligent, wonderful people...will become as nasty and as violent as the most blood-thirsty klingon."

04-28-2005, 04:35 PM	#13 (permalink)
Brikar The Dude Join Date: Dec 1969 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 3,606	Hahaha __________________ "A million monkeys typing until the end of time will produce the complete works of William Shakespeare. Ten thousand monkeys typing for ten thousand years will write a Hemingway. Ten monkeys typing over Columbus Day weekend will give you a Dan Brown." http://olympusmans.blogspot.com http://benforrealz.blogspot.com

06-27-2005, 11:38 PM	#14 (permalink)
Brikar The Dude Join Date: Dec 1969 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 3,606	This time it's some religious discussion from later on in the same script. This thing is becoming kind of a monster, and needs some real restructuring. Ugh, like I don't have enough going on right now to get obsessed with writing this damn thing... INT. PRISON CELL Reid and David are tied to a post in the center of the room. Yuri, Ahmed, and Jacob are nowhere to be seen. DAVID Yes, Captain, hiding in plain sight… That’s… that’s just the best plan ever. REID It sounded good in my head. DAVID Is there anything in there that sounds good about getting us out? REID Just pray quietly for a little while so I can think, OK, Father? DAVID If my faith bothers you that much— REID No, Father, it’s not your faith that bothers me; it’s your religion. DAVID My religion? REID Yup. DAVID Would you like to explain that? REID You believe God created man in his own image, right? DAVID Yes, that’s right. REID Well, I think it’s the other way around. I think man created God in his own image to make himself feel better. Well you know what, Father, I feel pretty damn good all by myself. God didn’t make our roads, our educations, our civilizations, our dreams… We did that. And we did it by ourselves. Alone. And that’s why we needed “God”. DAVID I see… REID So I would rather have faith in me, and in my fellow man than a word in a book that was written by men who were dust centuries before I was born. DAVID (Angry) Faith in your fellow man? That same fellow man that would murder you while you slept for your wife and the twenty-dollar bill in your pocket? The same fellow men that start wars that kill thousands, millions? REID And who are they usually killing each other in the name of, Father? Who? DAVID Believing in something bigger than ourselves connects us, Captain. It gives us hope that there’s someone out there, watching over us, caring about us… REID It gives us an excuse. Reid stands up, freed of his bonds. David looks shocked. DAVID How…? REID As much as I’d love to continue our theological debate, Father… right now, we have to be our own saviors. He frees David, and then goes to listen at the door. REID It doesn’t sound like there are any guards. DAVID Then the door’s probably locked. Reid tries the door: it is locked. REID Not a big deal. He pulls a small screwdriver from a pouch. DAVID That’s too big to pick the lock. REID I don’t recall mentioning picking anything… Reid quickly disassembles the door’s hinges. INT. HALLWAY Reid and David exit their cell, and Reid props the door in the frame as though nothing is wrong. He keeps the screwdriver handy, though. REID C’mon. The others can’t be far. DAVID How do you know that? REID Because it’s a small building. DAVID Your military training is really pretty impressive. REID So’s your dedication, Father. Now quiet. __________________ "A million monkeys typing until the end of time will produce the complete works of William Shakespeare. Ten thousand monkeys typing for ten thousand years will write a Hemingway. Ten monkeys typing over Columbus Day weekend will give you a Dan Brown." http://olympusmans.blogspot.com http://benforrealz.blogspot.com

06-28-2005, 03:57 AM	#15 (permalink)
Gitch Consultant Fellationist Join Date: Dec 1969 Location: God's own country merry England Posts: 435	Going back to the original dialogue, I only ever hear americans say "where the crap". It sounds really wrong to my ears. "Where the Hell..." (never "where the heck..." BTW that is entirely american) is better, possibly "where the bloody hell..." (slightest of emphasis on the word bloody) - or for the truly profane "where the fuck...". Although, the word Fuck probably wasn't used in that context then (although it was around in Shakespeare's day, it just meant sex). "Where in God's name..." would also work. I'm a little busy right now - but I think I could restructure some of that last scene if you like. If you want the input, let me know. __________________ If masturbation is self-abuse - you are obviously doing it wrong.

06-28-2005, 06:28 PM	#17 (permalink)
Cymro Religious Fanatic Join Date: Nov 1999 Location: Shitsville, CF63 Posts: 4,921	I can only suggest one line at the moment: Ahmed: Durka Durka, Muhammad Jihad! __________________ "Let me tell you something about humans, nephew: They're a wonderful, friendly people - as long as their bellies are full and their holosuites are working. "But take away their creature comforts, deprive them of food, sleep, sonic showers, put their lives in jeopardy over an extended period of time and those friendly, intelligent, wonderful people...will become as nasty and as violent as the most blood-thirsty klingon."

06-28-2005, 06:38 PM	#18 (permalink)
Brikar The Dude Join Date: Dec 1969 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 3,606	__________________ "A million monkeys typing until the end of time will produce the complete works of William Shakespeare. Ten thousand monkeys typing for ten thousand years will write a Hemingway. Ten monkeys typing over Columbus Day weekend will give you a Dan Brown." http://olympusmans.blogspot.com http://benforrealz.blogspot.com

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