Need some help with some British dialogue

Brikar · 04-23-2005, 05:41 AM

I'm writing a script that involves some travel to parallel Earths. In this particular scene, the characters are investigating a world where the American Revolution is on its way. At this point, they have no idea what's going on, and are thinking that they've somehow traveled through time. Later on it becomes apparent that it's a parallel Earth that's a few centuries behind, but that's not important. Anyway, I just want to run this by you guys and make sure that the British character SOUNDS British enough. It's easy enough for me to write American or American-ized dialogue, but characters from other parts of the world (and in this case, other time periods) are obviously a bit more difficult since I have less experience with them.

So in this scene, the British character, Atherton (it was the most English-sounding name I could come up with at the time) is a Captain in the British Army in Massachusetts who sees the main characters with modern clothing and weaponry and confronts them. Let me know what you think.

ATHERTON
Who the devil are you three?

REID
We’re just taking a look around. Tourists.

Atherton dismounts.

ATHERTON
Where are you from?

REID
Y’know, around. We’re just traveling, really.

ATHERTON
I’ve been getting reports of insurrectionists in this area. My men chased one out of town just a little while ago. So you’ll forgive me if I’m a bit suspicious of new faces.

DAVID
(With British accent)
Don’t worry, Captain, they’re right lads. They’re with me, actually.

ATHERTON
Ah, a countryman! Sir, why didn’t you address me previously?

DAVID
I usually let my boy do the talking, even if I tend to do the walking.

Reid glares at David. Ahmed takes a step closer to him.

ATHERTON
Well, one must keep in shape.

DAVID
Quite. Eh, Captain, I’m afraid I don’t much follow the news lately. With all the traveling, it’s hard to keep up, you understand.

ATHERTON
Of course.

DAVID
These insurrectionists, eh, what kind of activity has there been recently?

ATHERTON
We’re having a right bloody time rounding them up, I’ll tell you. A squad up in Boston opened fire on a mob of the brutes a week past, and we’ve been putting out the fires ever since.

DAVID
Dreadful, really, awful.

ATHERTON
Quite. Well, sir, I must take my leave. Be careful in these parts, sir. Your clothes tend to stand out, and this is not the safest region anymore.

DAVID
Thank you, Captain. Good day.

David and the other step aside to let Atherton’s men ride past.

AHMED
Most impressive, Father.

REID
Yeah, where the crap did you pull that from?

DAVID
I did some acting in college. Shakespeare’s great for elocution.

REID
I’ll keep that in mind.

Cymro · 04-23-2005, 04:01 PM

I've never heard the name "Atherton" before in my life. I'd suggest going with any English name you can think of, since they all come from here anyway. Some Examples: Jones, Williams, Roberts, Evans, Peters, Jonson, Jackson, Jefferson, Middleton, Prince, Griffiths(if you want to use my name

), Anderson, Simpson, Simmons, Ormeshire, Davies, Mithcell, Walters, Brown, Green, White, Black, Smith, Stephens. You don't need to make up an English sounding name based on Stereotypes when all you need to do is get a common name of English origin.

As for the dialogue, best thing to do is read a book or play from the period, I can't really help you with 18th century dialogue since the way we speak has changed a lot with the times, just like the way you have (Your ancestors had the same accent as we did 200 years ago). But I'll do a few little changes

MIDDLETON
Who the devil are you three?

REID
We’re just taking a look around. Tourists.

MIDDLETON dismounts.

MIDDLETON
Where have you come from?

REID
Y’know, around. We’re just traveling, really.

MIDDLETON
I’ve been getting reports of insurrectionists in these parts. My men chased one out of this town just a little while ago. So you’ll forgive me if I’m somewhat suspicious of new faces.

DAVID
(With British accent)
Don’t worry, Captain, they’re right lads. They’re with me, actually.

MIDDLETON
Ah, a countryman! Sir, why didn’t you address me previously?

DAVID
I usually let my boy do the talking, even if I tend to do the walking.

Reid glares at David. Ahmed takes a step closer to him.

MIDDLETON
Well, one must keep fit.

DAVID
Quite. Eh, Captain, I’m afraid I don’t much follow the news lately. With all the traveling, it’s hard to keep up, you understand.

MIDDLETON
Of course.

DAVID
These insurrectionists, eh, what kind of activity has there been recently?

MIDDLETON
We’re having a right bloody time rounding them up, I’ll tell you. A squad up in Boston opened fire on a mob of the brutes a week past, and we’ve been putting out the fires ever since.

DAVID
Dreadful, really, awful.

MIDDLETON
Quite. Well, sir, I must take my leave. Be careful in these parts. Your clothes tend to stand out, and this is not the safest region anymore.

DAVID
Thank you, Captain. Good day.

David and the other step aside to let MIDDLETON’s men ride past.

AHMED
Most impressive, Father.

REID
Yeah, where the crap did you pull that from?

DAVID
I did some acting in college. Shakespeare’s great for elocution.

REID
I’ll keep that in mind.
__________________

One question though, what's the deal with that countryman stuff? Does Reid have a french accent or something? That whole little bit seems to be superflous to me, unless you plan on using David's ability to quote shakespeare to advance the plot in the future, I wouldn't bother with it, if I saw it on TV I'd cringe.

Of course, if you're going to write a lot of dialogue from that era I'd reccomend doing your research.

Brikar · 04-23-2005, 05:06 PM

Well, the deal is that Reid and David are Americans, but David fakes the British accent to engender a bit more trust from the British character.

But your point about the accents not having diverged at that point is something that honestly hadn't occurred to me..................... that does make the whole bit somewhat superfluous, since I was trying to make it a kind of funny bit. Dang.

By the way, "Middleton" is the town next to mine.

Cymro · 04-23-2005, 05:19 PM

No, that's New Middleton

Besides, If this is in Massatucets(who the hell names these places anyway?) it'll go to explain the name of the town

I just figured it'd be the best real name to use if you're trying to go for uber Britishness (plus it was the name of my high school English teacher, so it makes me think English). I don't understand exactly how it couln't have occured to you that at the time the Americans were still essentially British colonists who were rebelling against their homeland...Of course, it's interesting that the accents diverged so quickly.

Brikar · 04-23-2005, 06:33 PM

In hindsight, it does make perfect sense, but when I was writing it, it was just completely out of my mind. Weird. It could still work with some modifications, since Reid and David still don't have British accents to begin with... I dunno. Maybe I'll ditch it. Whateva. Thanks for helping.

Stag · 04-26-2005, 03:09 PM

Remember this Brikar ... all old guys are refered to by their Military rank when they were in the war...I.e. 'Evenin' Colonel, Major...whatever

All rich men are refered to as Gov'nah
All sentences end with "eh, what"
When words end with '-ing' leave off the last 'g'.

Cymro · 04-26-2005, 04:00 PM

And for the love of god make sure none of them drink coffee.

Stag · 04-26-2005, 07:41 PM

Oh yeah, and if a male character sees a hot woman, he is obliged to call her a crumpet.

Oh yeah, and smoking a fag has nothing to do with homosexuality (except when it concerns Cymro)

Cymro · 04-26-2005, 08:00 PM

Neither does eating or burning a faggot.

Bean · 04-26-2005, 08:24 PM

And remember to use the expression "old chap" often.

04-23-2005, 05:41 AM	#1 (permalink)
Brikar The Dude Join Date: Jan 1970 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 3,585	Need some help with some British dialogue I'm writing a script that involves some travel to parallel Earths. In this particular scene, the characters are investigating a world where the American Revolution is on its way. At this point, they have no idea what's going on, and are thinking that they've somehow traveled through time. Later on it becomes apparent that it's a parallel Earth that's a few centuries behind, but that's not important. Anyway, I just want to run this by you guys and make sure that the British character SOUNDS British enough. It's easy enough for me to write American or American-ized dialogue, but characters from other parts of the world (and in this case, other time periods) are obviously a bit more difficult since I have less experience with them. So in this scene, the British character, Atherton (it was the most English-sounding name I could come up with at the time) is a Captain in the British Army in Massachusetts who sees the main characters with modern clothing and weaponry and confronts them. Let me know what you think. ATHERTON Who the devil are you three? REID We’re just taking a look around. Tourists. Atherton dismounts. ATHERTON Where are you from? REID Y’know, around. We’re just traveling, really. ATHERTON I’ve been getting reports of insurrectionists in this area. My men chased one out of town just a little while ago. So you’ll forgive me if I’m a bit suspicious of new faces. DAVID (With British accent) Don’t worry, Captain, they’re right lads. They’re with me, actually. ATHERTON Ah, a countryman! Sir, why didn’t you address me previously? DAVID I usually let my boy do the talking, even if I tend to do the walking. Reid glares at David. Ahmed takes a step closer to him. ATHERTON Well, one must keep in shape. DAVID Quite. Eh, Captain, I’m afraid I don’t much follow the news lately. With all the traveling, it’s hard to keep up, you understand. ATHERTON Of course. DAVID These insurrectionists, eh, what kind of activity has there been recently? ATHERTON We’re having a right bloody time rounding them up, I’ll tell you. A squad up in Boston opened fire on a mob of the brutes a week past, and we’ve been putting out the fires ever since. DAVID Dreadful, really, awful. ATHERTON Quite. Well, sir, I must take my leave. Be careful in these parts, sir. Your clothes tend to stand out, and this is not the safest region anymore. DAVID Thank you, Captain. Good day. David and the other step aside to let Atherton’s men ride past. AHMED Most impressive, Father. REID Yeah, where the crap did you pull that from? DAVID I did some acting in college. Shakespeare’s great for elocution. REID I’ll keep that in mind. __________________ "A million monkeys typing until the end of time will produce the complete works of William Shakespeare. Ten thousand monkeys typing for ten thousand years will write a Hemingway. Ten monkeys typing over Columbus Day weekend will give you a Dan Brown." http://olympusmans.blogspot.com http://benforrealz.blogspot.com

04-23-2005, 04:01 PM	#2 (permalink)
Cymro Religious Fanatic Join Date: Nov 1999 Location: Shitsville, CF63 Posts: 4,912	I've never heard the name "Atherton" before in my life. I'd suggest going with any English name you can think of, since they all come from here anyway. Some Examples: Jones, Williams, Roberts, Evans, Peters, Jonson, Jackson, Jefferson, Middleton, Prince, Griffiths(if you want to use my name ), Anderson, Simpson, Simmons, Ormeshire, Davies, Mithcell, Walters, Brown, Green, White, Black, Smith, Stephens. You don't need to make up an English sounding name based on Stereotypes when all you need to do is get a common name of English origin. As for the dialogue, best thing to do is read a book or play from the period, I can't really help you with 18th century dialogue since the way we speak has changed a lot with the times, just like the way you have (Your ancestors had the same accent as we did 200 years ago). But I'll do a few little changes MIDDLETON Who the devil are you three? REID We’re just taking a look around. Tourists. MIDDLETON dismounts. MIDDLETON Where have you come from? REID Y’know, around. We’re just traveling, really. MIDDLETON I’ve been getting reports of insurrectionists in these parts. My men chased one out of this town just a little while ago. So you’ll forgive me if I’m somewhat suspicious of new faces. DAVID (With British accent) Don’t worry, Captain, they’re right lads. They’re with me, actually. MIDDLETON Ah, a countryman! Sir, why didn’t you address me previously? DAVID I usually let my boy do the talking, even if I tend to do the walking. Reid glares at David. Ahmed takes a step closer to him. MIDDLETON Well, one must keep fit. DAVID Quite. Eh, Captain, I’m afraid I don’t much follow the news lately. With all the traveling, it’s hard to keep up, you understand. MIDDLETON Of course. DAVID These insurrectionists, eh, what kind of activity has there been recently? MIDDLETON We’re having a right bloody time rounding them up, I’ll tell you. A squad up in Boston opened fire on a mob of the brutes a week past, and we’ve been putting out the fires ever since. DAVID Dreadful, really, awful. MIDDLETON Quite. Well, sir, I must take my leave. Be careful in these parts. Your clothes tend to stand out, and this is not the safest region anymore. DAVID Thank you, Captain. Good day. David and the other step aside to let MIDDLETON’s men ride past. AHMED Most impressive, Father. REID Yeah, where the crap did you pull that from? DAVID I did some acting in college. Shakespeare’s great for elocution. REID I’ll keep that in mind. __________________ One question though, what's the deal with that countryman stuff? Does Reid have a french accent or something? That whole little bit seems to be superflous to me, unless you plan on using David's ability to quote shakespeare to advance the plot in the future, I wouldn't bother with it, if I saw it on TV I'd cringe. Of course, if you're going to write a lot of dialogue from that era I'd reccomend doing your research. __________________ "Let me tell you something about humans, nephew: They're a wonderful, friendly people - as long as their bellies are full and their holosuites are working. "But take away their creature comforts, deprive them of food, sleep, sonic showers, put their lives in jeopardy over an extended period of time and those friendly, intelligent, wonderful people...will become as nasty and as violent as the most blood-thirsty klingon."

04-23-2005, 05:06 PM	#3 (permalink)
Brikar The Dude Join Date: Jan 1970 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 3,585	Well, the deal is that Reid and David are Americans, but David fakes the British accent to engender a bit more trust from the British character. But your point about the accents not having diverged at that point is something that honestly hadn't occurred to me..................... that does make the whole bit somewhat superfluous, since I was trying to make it a kind of funny bit. Dang. By the way, "Middleton" is the town next to mine. __________________ "A million monkeys typing until the end of time will produce the complete works of William Shakespeare. Ten thousand monkeys typing for ten thousand years will write a Hemingway. Ten monkeys typing over Columbus Day weekend will give you a Dan Brown." http://olympusmans.blogspot.com http://benforrealz.blogspot.com

04-23-2005, 05:19 PM	#4 (permalink)
Cymro Religious Fanatic Join Date: Nov 1999 Location: Shitsville, CF63 Posts: 4,912	No, that's New Middleton Besides, If this is in Massatucets(who the hell names these places anyway?) it'll go to explain the name of the town I just figured it'd be the best real name to use if you're trying to go for uber Britishness (plus it was the name of my high school English teacher, so it makes me think English). I don't understand exactly how it couln't have occured to you that at the time the Americans were still essentially British colonists who were rebelling against their homeland...Of course, it's interesting that the accents diverged so quickly. __________________ "Let me tell you something about humans, nephew: They're a wonderful, friendly people - as long as their bellies are full and their holosuites are working. "But take away their creature comforts, deprive them of food, sleep, sonic showers, put their lives in jeopardy over an extended period of time and those friendly, intelligent, wonderful people...will become as nasty and as violent as the most blood-thirsty klingon."

04-23-2005, 06:33 PM	#5 (permalink)
Brikar The Dude Join Date: Jan 1970 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 3,585	In hindsight, it does make perfect sense, but when I was writing it, it was just completely out of my mind. Weird. It could still work with some modifications, since Reid and David still don't have British accents to begin with... I dunno. Maybe I'll ditch it. Whateva. Thanks for helping. __________________ "A million monkeys typing until the end of time will produce the complete works of William Shakespeare. Ten thousand monkeys typing for ten thousand years will write a Hemingway. Ten monkeys typing over Columbus Day weekend will give you a Dan Brown." http://olympusmans.blogspot.com http://benforrealz.blogspot.com

04-26-2005, 03:09 PM	#6 (permalink)
Stag It's me again Join Date: Jan 1970 Location: Florida Posts: 3,286	Remember this Brikar ... all old guys are refered to by their Military rank when they were in the war...I.e. 'Evenin' Colonel, Major...whatever All rich men are refered to as Gov'nah All sentences end with "eh, what" When words end with '-ing' leave off the last 'g'. __________________ "I want to do a motorboat on Shatner's manboobs" - Sam Cogley

04-26-2005, 04:00 PM	#7 (permalink)
Cymro Religious Fanatic Join Date: Nov 1999 Location: Shitsville, CF63 Posts: 4,912	And for the love of god make sure none of them drink coffee. __________________ "Let me tell you something about humans, nephew: They're a wonderful, friendly people - as long as their bellies are full and their holosuites are working. "But take away their creature comforts, deprive them of food, sleep, sonic showers, put their lives in jeopardy over an extended period of time and those friendly, intelligent, wonderful people...will become as nasty and as violent as the most blood-thirsty klingon."

04-26-2005, 07:41 PM	#8 (permalink)
Stag It's me again Join Date: Jan 1970 Location: Florida Posts: 3,286	Oh yeah, and if a male character sees a hot woman, he is obliged to call her a crumpet. Oh yeah, and smoking a fag has nothing to do with homosexuality (except when it concerns Cymro) __________________ "I want to do a motorboat on Shatner's manboobs" - Sam Cogley

04-26-2005, 08:00 PM	#9 (permalink)
Cymro Religious Fanatic Join Date: Nov 1999 Location: Shitsville, CF63 Posts: 4,912	Neither does eating or burning a faggot. __________________ "Let me tell you something about humans, nephew: They're a wonderful, friendly people - as long as their bellies are full and their holosuites are working. "But take away their creature comforts, deprive them of food, sleep, sonic showers, put their lives in jeopardy over an extended period of time and those friendly, intelligent, wonderful people...will become as nasty and as violent as the most blood-thirsty klingon."

04-26-2005, 08:24 PM	#10 (permalink)
Bean The Awesome One Join Date: Jan 1970 Location: Canada eh! Posts: 5,036	And remember to use the expression "old chap" often. __________________ "I haven't faced death. I've cheated death. I've tricked my way out of death and patted myself on the back for my ingenuity. I know nothing." --James T. Kirk

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