There was this kingdom
With a King,
A Queen
And A Princess.
The Princess was young,
The Queen was beautiful,
	The King doesn’t play a part of the story.
				You can ignore him.
The Queen was so beautiful, 
She fell in love.
                      	With herself.
She thought she was the most beautiful woman on the planet.
						She was crazy.
She had a mirror that hung on the wall.
It had a deep gold rim,
Images of birds on either side,
And it talked.
	        To her.
		      And only her.
                                  That alone should show the depth of her delusion.
Day and night she spent with it.
			Talking
			       To this mirror.
She would ask it questions. 
			“Who is the most beautiful person in the country?”
And it would answer her.
			“You are, my Queen.”
One day, the princess,
Her stepdaughter,
		The heroine,
			       Snow White,
Came into the queen’s room looking for her.
Once the mirror saw her, it had to revise its opinion of the queen’s beauty.
			“Hubba hubba.”
The queen got jealous
		Of her stepdaughter.
And ordered Snow White killed.
A huntsman took Snow White out into the woods.
He took pity on her.
			She really was beautiful.
He let her run free in the woods
			As if a Princess could survive
						   On her own
							         In the woods.
The huntsman brought back a boar’s heart as proof that he killed Snow White.
						Because she didn’t have a heart,
								       The Queen didn’t recognize
								 		 The switch
The Queen was happy. 
            Through this, her husband,
				        The King,
					      Ruler of the land
                                                          Didn’t notice his daughter missing.
									Observant father.
So, Snow White was running around the forest
		Wondering why the huntsman didn’t kill her when he had the chance.
				It would have been
					More humane
						Than letting her starve.
She came across a small house.
		REAL small.
			Miniature
				It could even be called a dwarf house.
							But I am above using bad puns.
She went in and it was dirty, so she cleaned it.
			Like any woman.
			 	       Right.
			             		Like she had ever cleaned before in her life.
Just as soon as she was done, the house’s owners showed up.
Seven of them.
Dwarves.
	All living in one tiny house.
		I guess they had a problem with the rent.
They were all happy to see their house cleaned.
They asked her to stay.
	To clean.
		And sew.
			And do “Woman’s Work”.
					They obviously couldn’t afford good help.
So, of course she accepted.
And she cleaned,
And cooked,
And sewed.
	You’ll notice that in my version
				Snow White
					Doesn’t sing.
While this was going on, her stepmother
Who had grown a real bad wart
			On her nose
				So now she knew she wasn’t so beautiful
Decided she wanted to see Snow White’s grave.
She asked the mirror where Snow White was
And it told her the truth.
“Snow White is alive.”
She got real mad, and suddenly more warts began to grow.
				Her body was covered with warts.
							Even her warts had warts.
Soon she became real ugly.
No one recognized her.
	Not even the king.
		But did we expect him to notice anything?
So she hatched a plan.
She bought a bright, red apple
And poisoned it.
	Not with any normal poison, mind you.
				This poison would put
						Snow White,
							Our heroine,
								To sleep.
								      It won’t kill her
									Like a normal poison.
Well, Snow White didn’t recognize her
And ate the apple.
	Didn’t her stepmother teach her
			    Not to take food
				From strangers?
The Dwarves came home and found their maid lying on the ground
And an old hag standing over her, laughing.
Well they killed that old hag
	By throwing her off a cliff.
And started to cry over Snow White’s body.
				After all, good help really is hard to find.
						And she was their best house-keeper.
A handsome prince was wandering by
			Because he had nothing
					          Better to do.
He heard the crying, and wanted to investigate.
Before him he saw the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.
He wanted to give her a kiss.
		He thought she was dead.
				What does that tell you
						         About the Prince?
So he kissed her and she woke up
And they got married.
And lived 
Happily
Ever
After.
		Except the Dwarves
				Who lost 
					Their best house-keeper.