Closet Racist

So, I was watching GILLIGAN'S ISLAND the other day...

...and I always wanted to do "David Lynch's GILLIGAN'S ISLAND". One day someone like Mary Ann or the proffessor is out picking herbs/cross-dressing secretly out in the jungle when they stumble across Gilligan, out in a cave, talking to someone. Upon close inspection, they find Gilligan is sceaming "You never talk to me anymore!" to a home-made mockup of Lovey Howell, complete with coconut head and stolen/missing laundry, and a million dollars in fake/homemade bills arranged around her feet.

Later, we find that they were never on an island after all but instead a penninsula, and spent years just out of reach of a resort in Hawaii. Skipper engineered the whole 'shipwreck' scenario so that he could get sexual fulfillment while watching his 'little buddy' get it on with captive women, only to find out that 'G' had fallen for the old, matronly one and created a makeshift love doll of her.

In the end, as the volcano errupts, 'G' escapes in a boat he made with the fake Mrs. Howell, and "All the rest" are screaming and cursing him as he leaves them behind to die in the hot magma...

Then Mr. Roark shows up and asks him "How his fantasy was".

The part of Ginger would be played by Isabella Rosselini, Mr. Howell by Dennis Hopper, the proffessor by Kyle McLaughlin, Mary Anne by Lara Flynn Boyle...

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Bean

Somedays I think you should be heavily medicated, other days I think you already are. I don't know which this is....

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"I haven't faced death. I've cheated death. I've tricked my way out of death and patted myself on the back for my ingenuity. I know nothing."

--James T. Kirk